Peter Capp is Batroc ze Leaper

I was doing my Peter Capp voice when I was driving my way to the car shop (I practice voices when I drive by myself...huh...hadn't thought about the reprecussions of THAT act) and I remember Ed Brubaker (current award-winning writer for Captain America) making a comment in an interview that went to the affect of "I would love to put Batroc the Leaper in there but I can't write in a French accent accurately." This got me mad. How come Brubaker doesn't just force the accent? I want Batroc ze Leaper so badly in a Brubaker comicbook (especially after reading the Immortal Iron Fist: the Last Iron Fist Story Hardcover) cause Batroc is a nonsensical, formidable, mustachioed, madman who speaks with French phrases that sound like gibberish if translated. He's like a French Deadpool, except for the healing factor and weapons and ductape.


From his wikipedia article under Quotes:

Batroc uses many French terms which may strike even the American reader who makes up most of Marvel's audience as stereotypical; a native speaker of French may find Batroc's dialogue not only stereotypical but hilariously badly translated: "Zut alors!" (Batroc uses this term even in a totally inappropriate context) "Sacre Bleu!" (An expression spelled as one word in French.) "Alas, you are too sensitive, mon cher! But, c'est la vie!" "Nom du chien! Your insolence is insupportable-- insufferable!! For zat you shall pay un mille fois!" (Batroc should say "Nom d'un chien" and he shouldn't use the "un" for "mille fois") "Is it not très formidable!" (Andre: "It is not very tough!" Sure it makes sense here but in French to say something isn't something you have to say it with a "ne pas" around the verb. Without it the phrase "trés formidable" means: you/it are/is very tough! So it sounds like this to me: "It is not-YOU'RE VERY TOUGH!" "Ah, mon pauvre petit!" (Andre again: he basically called Captain America his daughter) Batroc inserts so much mangled French terminology into his speech, that Captain America once asked him "Who gave you your English lessons, Doctor Doom?"

Back in my car, I suddenly start cackling in the Peter Capp I-am-not-from-this-country-voice that "I AM BATROC! ZE LEEPERR!" It goes down hill from there (depending on which direction I was driving I could have easily gone uphill. Well, that joke sucked)


That is all.

BONG

What not to say during 'Live Models' class:

I just came (THREE TIMES!! LOL!) from my first class of Live Drawing 102 and that shit is great. The Teacher isn't much of an orator. And every one was on pins and needles waiting for the nude model to come out. Of cos' all I could think of was the naughtiest shiznitle ('opens hand, puts palm to face') things to say.

• "Hey, could you um, spread those...apart. Yes, I'm sorry, but I'm far better at drawing caverns and shadows!"
• "Should we get nude. Y'know to make her feel (failed to mention the femaleness of the model) more comfortable."
• "Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. (Deadpool joke? YES!)"
• " (audible whisper) THIS CLASS IS FUCKING AWESOME. I GET GRADED BY THE BOOB."
• " I know I'm not supposed to have a boner, because it's art or whatever, but I DO. I REALLY DO!" Girl from the class: "Shutup! You're freaking everyone out!" Me:" I KNOW!"
• " What if I'm so good that we end up using my drawings as models if the models don't show up?"

That last one might not get you (aka me) kicked out of class but the others should do the job.

I think this is therapeutic as well as helpful (cause those two things NEVER EVER-VER go together :). I could list all the possible phrases that could possible-ly get me kicked out while a live model is nuding it up on the stage and avoid them!!
OR this could lodge in my brain and I say them everywhere I go.

It's a nervous feeling in class because there are OTHER PEOPLE joining in my professional voyeurism. It's not the butt and tits that make it weird which is weird to write here...on the fap-ternet. But the reason a lady's private parts are taboo at all is because they're..well, private.
Doug Stanhope has a bit on this. (My stand-up comic in me feels the need to mention this at this point) If the girl next to me bends over and I can see her cleavage, I'm all like "Oooo titty!" shifting my focus from the nude model on stage. Either way, I see shit that everybody outside (and a fair amount inside) the door of the classroom would freak out at so I'm a Pleased-Panda.




Failed at finding the damn picture of Deadpool saying duct tape. So here's this:

He's crazy.


CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edit: Retractions: It's the complete opposite when you're staring at wing-wam the entire 2 and half hours.
In summary,

Boobs:

:)

song playing in my head: "Oh Happy Day" from Sister Act 2: Back in the Act

Dicks:

:(

song playing in my head: "Thank You For Being A Friend" from the Golden Girls (well, that song gets a lot of play in my head regardless)