My Little Day So Far

(Muffled Screams)

I remember being kissed awake, which is always the preferred method of waking up, but I didn't wake up. Not really. When I remember saying "EWAHU" and dropping back onto the pillow, that don't count as ready to hit the day-pavement...davement...fuck.
Lately, especially after a lively talk with Brad Sativa and Corey Perry that I might put up someday, I've been attracted to social media. So the first thing I did was check what my twitter feed was talking about and check the trending news, which was delightful (Cesar Milan aka "the Dog Whisperer" is under investigation for dog-on-pig action).
I posted some pictures and articles I enjoyed finding on my other feed, my facebook feed, and had a little fun doing it but am I really? Is this actually being creative to write about "I need to write more" after reading Warren Ellis daily 100-word essay machine that he christians "Morning Computer"?
Nope.
Hence, why I'm here.
Bonus: Words I had to look up on Ellis's blog:
brokered, fractious, gumming, the Boris Johnson Effect, lectern, hoary, Brexit, Taxonomy of Sin.

I wanted to post more feminist pictures from the highschool I volunteered at yesterday but fuck it, I'll do it after.
I ended up feeling compelled to finish my application to Toys-R-Us and finish listening to Bill Burr's podcast from last-last Thursday (gotta keep up with dem 'casts).
I occurred to me to check my e-mail for any new application messages from this or other jobs and I found one! From Knowledge Academies! I didn't show up to my interview today at 11am! It's 12:34pm! Shit. SHIT!

The drama/speech substitute class I was looking forward to just slipped through my fingers cause I ignored putting more notifications on my phone calendar. BTW, I had to spell-check substitute cause I can't even spell the education job I'm trying to get (MUFFLED SCREAMING CONTINUES) and I so earnestly loved the idea of teaching drama and speech to a bunch of nubile rapscallions (YEAH. I spellchecked the shit out of that too).
I haven't (even?) eaten yet.
(Muffled sighing)
I love you pillow. You are my closet friend and confidant. I will never leave you.

I need to actually prepare for my possible interview with Knowledge Academies next week. I do believe they are desperate for good teachers like, huh like any good school I guess. But it seems like with KA they need one right now, so I should look on this accident as a blessing and work hard to impress the faculty adviser of the school with my improv games, tongue-twisters, and relaxation measures.
Now roll your tongue.
RRrrrrrrrrrr.


OH MAN
I FORGOT TO MENTION THE BEST PART
So I finished my ToysRUs app and look at it. It's for the Alabama location. Y'know, the one that alphabetically poops up first. So I try to apply for the Murfreesboro one and it wants me to put all the info, that I spent almost an hour on putting into the wrong one, into this one!
Fuck me!
Ha!
Time to take a break and eat dead animals to feel better!

I WROTE SOMETHING (now what do I do?)

[This is an idea I have for an episode of Bibleman. This some of what I have written]

Life's Constant Barrage

This is about fear.
A teacher is using the unconditional stimulus (UCS) method to create a natural, unconditional response (UCR), fear of Christians and Christianity. As far as I know this kind of conditioning works on children who are less than a year old by placing the object they are suppose to fear in front of them, lets say a cross, and illiciting an ill reaction whenever that object is around, for example: a clanging of a metal bar with a hammer close to the child. This natural needs to be put to a stop, hence Bibleman's intervention.

Fight Scene-wise:
Has indotrinated students as far back as the 80s and 70s. So now they are fully formed warriors of fear for him to utilize against Bibleman. A Juliard-esque graduate with the best fencing capabilities of her class who can out fight Bibleman and his crew in a swordmatch. (BM uses verses about overcoming fear to either persuade them, weaken them, and in some cases distract them from fighting) She has students herself who she castisizes in front of BM and while they fight. ("Quit pretending to be Errol Flynn and aim for HIM not his SWORD!")

That may cover it, but just for the heck of it some throwaway ideas:
He has various sports teams of fighting squads under his wings (of fear). Such as
Wrestlers, Basketballers, Lacross-ers, Equestrians, Rugby players (exchange students from England)
He doesn't fight himself. He’s like the Emperor in Star Wars (Think Empire Strikes back and strike everything else out of memory).
He’s hard to defeat and confront seeing as he has been planning from the 1970s to meet his goals.
His alter-ego is a likable history teacher with few misgivings.
His appearance as a teacher is drastically different to the appearance he has as an evil mastermind. (which should lead to him having a shape shifting device of sorts, maybe one of the appearances is how he wished he looked and one is what he has been stuck with. Not sure which way to go there. It would be more interesting, and very Norman Osborn-y, for the teacher mask to be his real face and the supervillian mask to be the one only HE acknowledges as his true face.
Has many agents of fear. They could be anyone and everywhere…even unbeknownst to themselves. Oooooo, maybe it’s one of Bibleman’s squad! Too soon to tell though.


Opens with a flashback.
A child is scared. Screaming. Attempting to hide in an enclosed black room. His greatest fear is on the other side of the room: a small somewhat ornate wooden cross with a figure of a child kneeling, eyes closed, with a chalice in his hand. A comforting voice is heard telling the child to “Don’t be afraid. Papa’s here.”
The Story, proper, ensues with Bibleman and the crew going through their usual motions of modus operandi with a villain from their rogues gallery.

So....are you joking...?

Modest Proposal

Andre Churchwell

There is a problem in our dear country; one that we will no longer be able to avoid for much longer. The United States of America is going down the pipes. Once a sterling beacon of potential for national discourse and eliminator of woes for the world, we are being lobbied into self-centered, over-weight, medicated trouble makers with power inherited from a harder working generation and civil rights being rolled back that was earned by a bolder generation.

Americans have found importance where there is none with Anti-Gay Marriage Acts, Anti-Flag Burning Acts and video games/rap songs/anime shows that might influence an innocent child to violent acts.

The United States media creates this middle ground of confusion for its people where we are the best nation in the world (I agree, but now that’s like being the best dancer in a one-leg handicap hoe-down) and told not to worry, while also saying that the world is extremely hazardous and danger could strike from anywhere, at any moment.

This seems to get crazier as it goes along. The only thing that could cease it or turn this generation to a hopeful direction is for a great change that would otherwise not naturally happen. The American people usually unite and cause this everlasting type of change when an event takes place such as a great tragedy. A tragedy such as Pearl Harbor, the World Trade Center, the assassination of Martin Luther King, etc. motivate the populace with fear, which turns to anger then to action (sometimes good: Joining the Allies to fight the Axis, sometimes bad: DC riots, War on Terrorism).

This nation is long past due with dealing with the issues that cripple us and keep us from un-ending liberty (the condition in which an individual has the ability to act according to his or her own will) and is long past due for a revolution from the current passive-aggressive ways of dealing with our problems.

“A little revolution now and then is a good thing; the tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”

-Thomas Jefferson

I will now propose my own plan of action, which I hope us brave few will not be liable to the least objection (the least of all me).

I have found, not through my own work but from the diligence of the first-rate team on the humor website Cracked.com, that scientist as well as nature it self are well on their way to creating a zombie horde who may or may not eat our brains as well as the flesh we walk in. Not only that, but horde will be imbued with the ability to transfer the zombie prognosis to whomever they choose to bite.

With the proper funds and moral support, the United States can be the first nation with a zombie invasion. In as little as two to three years, we could be engulfed and engorged with the living dead. The Second Amendment will be impractical no more. The ready, willing and able will mount a heroic precedent in history. The things that truly make America great will shine through at last. The right to arm yourselves with anything money can buy mixed with a free market have yielded guns being bought wholesale at K-Mart. This will prove beneficial and for certain would not have been useful for any other purpose.

The common threat of undead humans flooding the streets (whether they actual will devour our brains as science fiction is still uncertain and would be helpful in knowing so as to fund Anti-Zombie Helmets) will unite those of strong wills to stand up and start anew. The government will prove untrustable as they will most assuredly be blamed for the accident and the ensuing mass chaos. It has not been determined whether toxoplasmosa gondii will be the way to go (as it controls mice to the point that it tells them to be eaten by a cat so that it can control the larger mammal) with it already infecting half the human population as I write or nanotechnology run amok, but fortunately, if funded correctly all these will end up causing the zombie apocalypse we so desperately need for focus on the truly important issues: health, social welfare, and autonomy from a government gone wrong.

I've got so much school work to do it gives me a boner

1. Stop going onto 4chan
2. Stop using the internet
3. Stop reading/start writing
4. Start your Cardboard head project
   
5. Oh, and finish your late box art
   
6. Oh and read Gulliver's Travels
7. Watch Gulliver's Travels
8. Read the Rape of the lock
9. Make a "Modest Proposal" with a super long title
10. Pay for late camera return so that you can use the camera in school again
11. Draw/label the entire front human musculature and the back torso portion
12. Take an hour to clean your "death trap" of a bed and your "Cthulu's Mouth" of a floor
13. STOP YOUR BITCHIN'
14. Get a catchy song stuck in your head (it helps with doing mundane work)
15. Get out of room+ do work= Work gets done
16. Get out of room -do work/due tomorrow= Vicious Cycle

Now I need to go to an open mic and waste some time with no material.
It would be awesome if someone were to help me write my stuff but it's just as well.
Now I can get ALL THE CREDIT! MWHAAAAHAHAAHA!!
(comes to realize his place in the grand scheme of things)

Biology is for people with boners for blood, bones, and bugs.
Think about it.

I wonder if Maria Lombardi knew Micheal Cypress. Not a concise thought but I just wanted My MyCy shout out.

The Title is a lie! And so is the cake.

"Something more than a blog"? Where do I get the balls?

Anywho, I love the Orange Box...trailers....for XBox 360. What a marvelous idea! Package all your good stuff into one ready-to-buy package. Kinda of like what Atari and the Vanilla Ice did. Best of's.

No kidding, Vanilla (somehow I wanna type Vinillia, that's how I say it in my head) Ice has a Best of album. I found out here. This gem from the Aaron Carter: Most Requested Hits(?) review bares repeating:
-------
Best Moment:
"That's How I Beat Shaq," in which a 15 year-old white kid tells his friends how he met Shaquille O'Neal on a playground and schooled him in a game of one on one. In the end though, it turns out to be a dream! Aw hell naw! We didn't see that coming, yo! But wait, there's a twist! At the end of the song comes the line "If it was a dream, and it wasn't real, how'd I get a jersey with the name O'Neal?" as if to imply some Freddy Krueger shit had just taken place. His friend's reply with a shocked "whooooaaa!" Our reply? "You probably bought it at motherfucking Foot Locker, now go do your homework."

------------

"Some Freddy Krueger shit" classy.

Well, that was a waste of time. I need to finish my late color wheel and pretend to my color theory teacher that I give a damn about how my project on all colors is going to look.

Seriously, the project requires you to make a tapestry of color, a glorious montage of color on a 11X 14 (not sure of measurements) bristol, where you cannot use the same color twice. OH, and all the strokes required to put the colors down? It has to be the same stroke for every color. If it's a circle, you're looking at some pointilism shit. If it's a s-curl, it looks like an ocean that was thrown up in.

Dr. Marcia Cohen? What the flip doc? Doesn't doing the same move over and over again bore the, already, less enthused student about color?
WAIT. I saw some of her past students work and it didn't look like boring crap.
My guess is: if you are a painter type artist, you'll thrive.
"Oh, your area of expertise is photography? Well you better fuckin' pray to carpenter Jesus that Rembrandt inhabits your soul for the next two months cause your up some shit!"

I gotta try really hard if I'm going to pass this class.
Which sucks, cause I know I'm not.
I gotta trick myself into getting a B.
"What? (Raises hand) Teacher? Uh...Ms....Dr. Cohen? I think this is wrong. I don't remember doing a coloh, uh, colon, uh, color wheel! This baffles me, teacher! It truly baffles me!"

Good morning y'all.
I'll make sure to say something funnier next time.