What not to say during 'Live Models' class:

I just came (THREE TIMES!! LOL!) from my first class of Live Drawing 102 and that shit is great. The Teacher isn't much of an orator. And every one was on pins and needles waiting for the nude model to come out. Of cos' all I could think of was the naughtiest shiznitle ('opens hand, puts palm to face') things to say.

• "Hey, could you um, spread those...apart. Yes, I'm sorry, but I'm far better at drawing caverns and shadows!"
• "Should we get nude. Y'know to make her feel (failed to mention the femaleness of the model) more comfortable."
• "Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. Duct tape. (Deadpool joke? YES!)"
• " (audible whisper) THIS CLASS IS FUCKING AWESOME. I GET GRADED BY THE BOOB."
• " I know I'm not supposed to have a boner, because it's art or whatever, but I DO. I REALLY DO!" Girl from the class: "Shutup! You're freaking everyone out!" Me:" I KNOW!"
• " What if I'm so good that we end up using my drawings as models if the models don't show up?"

That last one might not get you (aka me) kicked out of class but the others should do the job.

I think this is therapeutic as well as helpful (cause those two things NEVER EVER-VER go together :). I could list all the possible phrases that could possible-ly get me kicked out while a live model is nuding it up on the stage and avoid them!!
OR this could lodge in my brain and I say them everywhere I go.

It's a nervous feeling in class because there are OTHER PEOPLE joining in my professional voyeurism. It's not the butt and tits that make it weird which is weird to write here...on the fap-ternet. But the reason a lady's private parts are taboo at all is because they're..well, private.
Doug Stanhope has a bit on this. (My stand-up comic in me feels the need to mention this at this point) If the girl next to me bends over and I can see her cleavage, I'm all like "Oooo titty!" shifting my focus from the nude model on stage. Either way, I see shit that everybody outside (and a fair amount inside) the door of the classroom would freak out at so I'm a Pleased-Panda.




Failed at finding the damn picture of Deadpool saying duct tape. So here's this:

He's crazy.


CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Edit: Retractions: It's the complete opposite when you're staring at wing-wam the entire 2 and half hours.
In summary,

Boobs:

:)

song playing in my head: "Oh Happy Day" from Sister Act 2: Back in the Act

Dicks:

:(

song playing in my head: "Thank You For Being A Friend" from the Golden Girls (well, that song gets a lot of play in my head regardless)

It Starts...

I need this in my speech class.
It's for my final.
I'm TOTALLY not blinding myself before I go to sleep with this video out of narcissism.
(This is actually all true so far)

Some of the material I was supposed finish about 'if black people were in power' was the policalily correct term for white people would be Eurpean American and the KKK would be the Kunta Kinte Klan. I guess I just brain farted on stage without telling anybody.